Hocking Loogies and Firing Snot Rockets

Be Forewarned - Semi-Gross post ahead...
Have you experienced this? You're riding along, racing or training, heading towards your destination. Suddenly you feel a wet spray  or moist blob hit you. You know where it came from: the guy on the bike that you've been gaining on just turned his head, a split second before you felt moisture, and "eliminated" some excess liquid or semi-liquid from his throat, mouth, nose or sinuses. Yep, someone just spit on you or blew his nose on you! Disgusting!!!

You might be with a group of cyclists or riding solo. Suddenly you get hit by something wet that's thicker than water. You

This happened to me during Ironman Arizona in November 2015. My reaction? "HEY, that's GROSS! Thanks a LOT!" as I passed him, accelerating even harder. If you cycle long enough you know that eventually your sinuses drain or phlegm accumulates or you have a runny/stuffy nose that needs attention.

You generally have just a few choices if phlegm or excess, thick saliva is in your mouth:

1. Swallow it - No thanks! I know I don't want to digest more than I have to.
2. Spit it out - If it's phlegm, especially the thick, green variety, you just want to get rid of it!
3. Drool it - This could interfere with race photos.

If we're talking about nose content, here are the choices:

1. Stop, get out a tissue aka Kleenex (#GrammarGeezer says TISSUE! Not all tissue is Kleenex), blow your nose, and put your used tissue in your pocket (Stop and compromise the workout or race? Are you kidding?!)
2. Use the soft fabric of your bike gloves by the thumb and just wipe your nose - one of the reasons to actually wear bike gloves. (That's why that soft fabric was put there.)
3. Launch a "snot rocket" aka Texas Handkerchief (according to my dad it's a Cowboy Handkerchief) by just blowing it out your nose without having a tissue or handkerchief to catch it. Warning: this takes practice. Most people learn to do this one nostril at a time and stick with that technique. One nostril at a time normally yields better results as it allows higher air pressure, which means a more successful rocket being blown from the nose.
4. Hocking a loogie is a technique many kids, especially boys, become extremely skilled at by middle school. It involves inhaling forcefully and getting the mucous in your nose moved into your mouth. It is then hacked up from the back of the throat and onto the tongue where it is spit out.  

Here are the RULES for hocking a loogie or firing a snot rocket while riding:

1. LOOK to the side that you are going to launch one BEFORE you let it go!
2. Be considerate - keep it off of cars, people, sidewalks, and other cyclists.

That's it! Don't be a jerk. Pick your moments! Time your hocks! Plan you rocket launches!

Disclaimer: This is not intended to be a total, complete, well-researched post on loogies and snot rockets. This post is not endorsed by USAT or USA Cycling. This post is not backed by science.

#getsladed #sladecoaching #GrammarGeezer