Should I Race California 70.3 Oceanside? PcTSD

It's been 1 month since my solo bike crash that scraped a bit of skin off, scuffed up the bike, and did some still to be determined shoulder damage. I admit I've struggled with this injury for a number of reasons. An injury is a setback - there's no doubt about that. It didn't help that it happened when I was less than 100% mentally and emotionally. Admittedly I was already in a bit of a funk, or more honestly, depressed. As usual I share this stuff in case it gives you a perspective you may not have had otherwise or as a future resource.

The shoulder injury at first completely eliminated ALL training. Gradually, as I pushed against the limitations (sometimes sensibly, sometimes stupidly) and as I slowly healed, those limitations have lessened. All along the way I've had to dampen my drive to get my training in and stifle my focus on my near term goals. The goal looming 6 weeks from the injury: Ironman California 70.3 in Oceanside on March 28th.

I've raced Oceanside twice before. It was my first ever "long distance" triathlon, back in 2009. The final 4 months of training for that one essentially involved no actual running thanks to my first experience with plantar f-ing-itis (technically called plantar fasciitis). So to cross the finish line was a dream come true and then to do a 5:35 was icing on the cake. 2010, still with plantar fasciitis, I raced once again but purposely took a DNF after the bike (did not finish), not willing to run and cause further setbacks.

Having plans to focus on shorter races this year (70.3, Olympic, Sprint, 1/2 marathon), Oceanside held some attraction, not the least of which being to see if I could get into the 5:20 range even though I'm 6 years older now. Typically with an injury I'd be hellbent on getting back to the training, pursuing every possible angle in order to get myself back on track and ready to race. Not this time. Maybe it's experience. Maybe it's my eye towards 2016 and "Mission 16/60". Maybe it's a desire to continue being able to do these things for years to come. For whatever reason I've just been happy when I make progress, am able to do more, and get closer to being my normal self. I won't lie and say it hasn't been too slow and very frustrating. But I've also been excited and grateful with each incremental progress that I've made.

With all of that said, I still wanted to race Oceanside. I didn't know if it would be realistic, especially if I didn't want to risk additional injury. Since I only completely stopped running for a week and a half (though I'm still not back to where I was), swimming and biking have been the big question marks. The swim hurdle was crossed on Friday. 10 days after returning to the water I was able to swim one-arm freestyle without fins and without pain. As a side note I learned something from this: my one-arm freestyle is only a little more than 20% slower than my two-arm freestyle, not 50% slower. It does require more leg work and induces more fatigue but at least it's doable.

The bike has been a gradual progression as well. 4 weeks ago my bike fitness was barely beginning to come around so not doing any focused training for a month means I'm a long way from being in normal race shape. Since the crash I first began back by riding a recumbent exercise bike. Then a little bit of time on the trainer. Then progressing to coaching a bike ride, then an hour ride on flat road. Today I went on a 3:15 bike ride (which usually takes less than 3 hours) that included a nice hill climb. (From the Encinitas Y to the top of San Elijo Hills, back down to the coast to Oceanside and back to the Y. 2000 ft of climbing. Spent a lot of time in the small chain ring and certainly felt the loss of conditioning. The shoulder joint in particular was not happy with me. It handled everything reasonably well considering that injury but the cumulative effect of road vibration and a couple of significant bumps caused a steady, low grade background of pain. It's more of a distraction than anything but it will impact both the ride and the run of a triathlon

I also had a few moments of PcTSD - Post-crash Traumatic Stress Disorder out there! The symptoms? My balance seemed a little off at times. Briefly my mind would stray into visions of my crash. I would even imagine crashing again. This is not where I wanted my mind to go of course! I would eventually quash those thoughts when they popped in but still, a little stress remains. I've been riding for over 6 years but that doesn't mean I'm immune to thoughts and concerns such as this.

One question still remains to be answered. Can I actually get my wetsuit on without me keeling over in pain from trying to get my arm in, the wetsuit over my shoulder, and the zipper zipped. Assuming I can do that, I AM going to race. I have no illusion that I will go at anywhere near what I might have done had I not injured my shoulder. None of my race fitness is where it was progressing to a mere 4-5 weeks ago. But simply being able to go out and race, swimming, biking, and running like a kid, being grateful that I'm not stuck in a hospital and struggling with Intestinal Bowel Disease, and being out there wearing Team Challenge orange will be satisfaction enough. Come race day I'll be doing my best to practice what I always preach: race with gratitude and joy in your heart.